This is one of those blog entries where I actually feel compelled to post something. For someone who indicates in her resumé that she is highly interested in web blogging, I should be someone who posts at least two or three entries per day, right? But ever since this year began, I seldom had time to sit down and right drafts for my blog posts. I guess somehow, nawala ako sa mood. I wonder why? Maybe it’s because I didn’t have any writing classes last semester so it wasn’t a really big deal if I didn’t write. But I did promise my English Prose Style teacher who said he sees potential in me that I’d try my best to write even if I wasn’t taking his class anymore. Every time we pass by each other in the campus and he’d greet me, I’d feel guilty that I wasn’t keeping my promise. The weekly blog entries last year were reduced to monthly blog entries. Haaaay… I wish I’d have a writing class this coming sem, with a prof who inspires her students to write. Sana hindi terror, ayoko magka-singko on my last year in college. It’s bad enough na I got a singko last sem, but it would definitely be worse if I get another one this year, first sem pa naman, tsk. Usually pag first sem mataas standing ko eh. Haaay… Jamo, praning!

Anyway… so what’s up with me and my telenovela? Hehe… Let’s just say that the last two guys I got involved with “watched” telenovelas with me. I always note that if one telenovela series I liked ended, it means that my feeling for that guy should end na rin, that the series’ ending was a sign that I should move on, kasi there’s another one waiting. I can’t say na another telenovela’s going to begin pretty soon, but I’m looking forward to it.

Last night, nag-end na yung Maging Sino Ka Man (para sa mga elitista at Rockwell people: It’s the telenovela with John Lloyd and Bea). Hindi ko naman nasubayabayan yun, but I got pretty involved with it nung mga first three weeks na pinalabas siya… I just had to see the “must-see” ending. Syempre andaming katanungan na gumulo sa isipan ko habang pinapanood ko yung last episode na yun – Bakit comatose si Eli? What the hell is Bembol Roco doing there? Bakit mala-Wansapanataym ng langit? Paano nagkabalikan si JB at Celine? Asan na si Christopher de Leon at yung crazy boss ni Eli na mahilig mag monologue at tumawa ng kakaiba? Bakit sooooobrang cheesy at lalim magsalita ng mga tao sa “langit”? Yung mga ganun lang naman… Kulang ang mga daliri ko sa kamay, paa at pati mga daliri ng yaya at kapatid ko para bilangin kung ilang beses ako umirap sa kanilang mga corny, cliché lines.

Ang hindi ko lang matanggap masyado ay ang pagkakaroon ng Book 2 ng Maging Sino Ka Man. No offense meant sa ABS-CBN executives ah. Subalit, ngunit, datapwat… nangangahulugan ba ito na muling magbabalik ang tamis ng pag-ibig between me and my Maging Sino Ka Man guy??? Naku, naku, naku… Patay tayo diyan. Ayoko pa naman sa lahat ang sinasagot ang tanong na “Mahal mo pa ba siya?” I’ve experienced more than once that some guys “return”. Kamakailan ay may nagtext sakin na matagal nang non-existent sa chever life ko. Syempre, tinarayan ko lang siya. Preo nakakagulat lang talaga, kasi minsan akala natin nakapag move on na tayo, minsan akala natin nakapag move on na sila, pero babalik-balik effects din pala. I don’t have a telenovela for this guy, pero we did have a theme song. It was a song na pinang-asar samin ng dorm mates ko dati. Waha, too cheesy to share. J

Haaaay. So yun lang. Nag-end na yung Maging Sino Ka Man… yung first book, that is. I wonder who I’m gonna watch the second book with? Or should I stop patronizing these telenovelas? Hmmm… We’ll see. 

>> Senxa na-delay ang pagpo-post nito. Nag brown out eh. Tapos busy-busyhan ako. Hehe…J<<

Finally, I now have the chance to post a blog entry. I’ve been quite busy this month because of my speech com OJT. I am sooooo looking forward to a lot of fun (!) this May kasi finally (!) I have some “ME” time. I can sleep up to whatever time of the day I want, and I can go to LB any time of the week. Weeeeee! J

Health

I got sick around the last week of January. We had our film showing sa org, and I distinctly remember wanting to go home so badly during the first night because I was really, really, sick, I couldn’t breathe or talk. But I held on, said I was going to finish the whole thing. I never compromise org work because of my health. I love UP Film Circle, that’s why. I tried to cut down on my beer drinking, which is good, kasi it’s really bad for my health. I’m into hard drinks now – but NOT WENGWENG or VODKA MANGO. I’m on a diet this summer, I’m hoping to lose weight because I want to prove something – it’s a bit personal. J

Family

Ok naman ang mag-anak na Mendoza… medyo. My mom, dad, and younger sister are still in Nigeria, they’re coming home in July, and I am sooooo looking forward to that. My grandmother’s finally out of the hospital. Every weekend I come home to a brother and a yaya, very conducive to getting laid, huh? Hahaha… Too bad, I broke up with him. (We’ll get to that later.)

Acads

I got my first SINGKO this second sem. Thanks very much to SIANGHIO SENSEI, the a**hole who I want to get chopped and served as a Maki. Nyahaha, morbid? Hindi ako delingkwenteng estudyante, I never, ever, ever (!!!) in my whole college life got a grade lower than 2.75, and now I got a 5. Buti sana kung hindi ako nag-exert ng effort. Buti sana if I let my grades slip. BUT NO! The moment I realized I needed to pull my grades up, I WORKED MY ASS OFF to pass the course. Jap11 na nga lang buhay ko eh! I brought my Jap11 hand-outs to my other classes and translated the Hiragana, Katakana and f*cking Kanji every chance I get so that I would understand the lesson better. But no, I still flunked. LECHE KA SIANGHIO!!! And I don’t f*cking care if he gets to read this (the guy’s a bit techie, baka teeny bopper din siya…)

Love life

Okay, so I got myself a boyfriend. A “dream come true” because one goal I had set for myself is that I had better get myself a boyfriend before I celebrate my 20^th birthday. It was all good, I was perfectly happy. But then again, when your boyfriend CHEATS, it’s over. Enough said. NO ONE GETS TO BE ON HIS SIDE – even you, Ana. I hope my ex is having a really good time fucking “RJ’s girlfriend” – that is, if he can even get his dick inside her.

Yes, I am “busy” once again. Hey, I even went out on a date with someone after the MATCHSTICK said I was acting like a 14-year old girl. And in fairness to the other guy, he TALKS. Kinda like the DIFFERENCE between ASKING and ACCUSING. All I can say is, WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND. He should know that – he listens to Justin Timberlake and dreams of wearing clothes that JT wears. (Sooooo GAY. Can’t believe you’re a homophobic, you ASSHOLE!)

Okay, so this is for him, even though I know there is just NO WAY he’d be able to read this:

I was a good girlfriend. I did everything you wanted me to, just so I could see to it that you were happy. I bought you your Oreos, I called you up when you needed me to, and I stayed f*cking loyal to you even though there were others, begging to get my number, begging to get to talk to me. I had every opportunity to cheat on you, but I DID NOT. I trusted you, and my trust never faltered. A lot of people have been convincing me to just break up with you, but I didn’t because I knew there was room for improvement and because I really wanted it to work out. I could have just given up, you know, but I didn’t, because then I wouldn’t be having the right to say that I LOVED YOU. I could have cheated, I could have gone out with someone else, I could not have said “I love you, too” when you told me that you love me. But I did, I took the risk, I prepared myself to be STRONG because we were far away from each other, because there were a lot of temptations. I do not deserve to be given up just like that. You tell me I’m acting like a 14-year old girl, I call you an asshole and then you give it all up. It ended badly, it ended suddenly, but I patched things up, just to prove to you that I am a mature person. And all you can say was that you were also thankful for everything. I cried; I still cry, because really, I find it unfair to be treated that way. I deserve better, and I’m thankful you finally realized that.

Relationship with God

In general, I was a good girl. I’m still a bit mad at God, but hey, maybe I just need a little push, or someone to drag me to the church. I wasn’t exactly HOLY this holy week. (Okay, that was an understatement – HOLY WEEK 2007 WAS THE MOST UN-HOLY WEEK I EVER HAD. There!)  I just engaged myself in watching Grey’s Anatomy DVDs. Sorry naman. You can judge me all you want. It’s okay, I can take it – I’m judgmental myself.

Friendships!J

I have four best friends as of my last count – there’s the ever-so-bootylicious RAYN, who I can text anytime I feel depressed and not feel awkward about it. He’s the only guy (biologically-speaking) I can sleep with without feeling harassed afterwards. There’s JENSS, my dorm mate, confidante, THE bitter head, ok-ok Tropang US freak (!), and Cosmo girl who I love to cry to after having gone through the WORST VALENTINE’S DAY EVER (!) There’s CAEL, who’s not sleeping with Rayn anymore, which was good when I needed a “motel” to sleep in – haha!  And then there’s MIKE  - who, for the longest time was out of reach, he almost became a stranger.

Oh my god, AIDEL, I miss you SOOOOO MUCH!

Orgs

I must admit, I wasn’t able to handle well all my orgs this sem. I hardly showed up for Umal and GY, and I only show up sa JapSoc when we have to “make kupal the applicants” and when I have to get Sir Mendoza to tell me what the Kanjis in my Jap11 hand-outs meant. I was busy with FC, sorry. I love FC so much na kahit puro trabaho, kahit most of the time I have to wait for about an hour before people actually show up, I’m still with FC. I’m proud to say that I was able to recruit ONE DOZEN members since I started my term. J

So there, my first 100 days of 2007. I’m happily recovering from a bad relationship and I’m busy with OJT. This summer, my goal is to just be a better person. Not bitter, B-E-T-T-E-R. J I’m very much thankful for everyone who sticks by me, who cheers me up when I’m down, and those people who have been telling me that I’m better off without the other person. I love you guys, J

Okay. I reached my all-time low a few hours ago. This afternoon, I watched about 6 episodes of Grey’s Anatomy and did my belly dancing. My lolo and uncle visited us. My uncle, knowing that I already broke up with my ex, asked me if I was still depressed. I growled at him in disbelief, said that the guy wasn’t even worth my depression. But really, it made me think.

After getting a headache from watching Grey’s Anatomy, I decided to turn the TV off and go to my room to rest. I got to my room, turned on the fan, turned off the lights, and to my great surprise, I cried. I cried like hell. I cried because I was hurting badly. I cried because my head ached, because my heart ached, and because I’m shattered.

I was in a relationship where I felt I deserved better. I broke up with my guy. Two days after that, I find out that for the first time in my entire life, I flunked a subject. I got a 5 in my Jap11 class. It was a shame. I never got a grade lower than 2.75. I’m allergic to grades lower than 2.75, so I have been working my ass off all these three years that I have been in college to not get a grade lower than 2.75. It was a shame because I am a member of the Japanology Society, and it was a shame, because I even talk to my dad in Japanese, for crying out loud!!! Two days after I found out I flunked a subject, I was doing FUCKING CLERICAL WORK for my OJT. I wasn’t supposed to start until after the Holy Week, but they made me start working so that I don’t waste my time. I was in no position to complain, I’m FUCKING LUCKY that I was already doing my OJT while some people are still looking for offices where they can have theirs.

I couldn’t stop crying. I hugged all my pillows – it didn’t help one bit. I tried to calm myself, but to no avail. I was hurting. I literally felt my heart hurt, I kept on saying “Ouch, ouch…” I felt lonely, I felt stupid, I felt helpless, I felt trapped in the body of a girl (a 14 year-old girl?!) who was pretending to be okay, when really, she’s not.

I am very bitter – at my ex boyfriend, because I trusted him, I loved him, I exerted effort for him, and I did my very best to be a good girlfriend. I am very bitter – at Sianghio Sensei, because the moment it hit me that I have to pull my grades up, I studied hard, REALLY HARD, to pass the subject.

I’m mad, and sad, and lonely. I wish my best friend were here so I could hug him and cry at him, and tell him to crack jokes, sleep next to him, and really, I’d feel better. I wish my dad was here, so I could complain to him, ask him why I always fall for the wrong guy, why guys cheat, why they look at me like I’m some kind of sex toy (jeez, I’m not even that sexy!), and why they get to hurt me even though I am a good person. Really, I am a good person. If you’re judgmental, I’d be the bitchy ComArts girl who wears mini skirts. If you’re my friend, I’d be the bitchy ComArts girl who wears mini skirts and who you love so much. J

Oh yes, I am mad at HIM. My mom just called and told my brother that we should go to church tomorrow. Without hesitation, I told my brother, “Ayoko, masusunog ako.” HE knows I’m mad at him for THREE REASONS. One – HE took my Auntie Binky. Two – HE had my heart broken really, really badly (and I’m not just referring to my ex). Three – HE got my family separated into two. Putangina, hirap na hirap na ‘ko. Wala mga kaibigan ko dito, wala pa pamilya ko, putangina talaga.

So there. How pathetic am I right now? I even posted this in my two blogs, hoping that MORE people would sympathize with me. (I think no one’s reading my blogdrive…)

I happened to stumble upon my Paramita playlist in my media player a while ago, and my god, Takipsilim still is for him. Haaaay… Maybe, just maybe, things will be back to the way they were before, and that would happen next sem. *crossed fingers* I can't believe I said that Carousel was for my ex-asshole with-a-dick-that-looks-like-a-MATCHSTICK boyfriend. Wahaha… Sana he can read this! Sana my next boyfriend would be really PATIENT. Syet. It has been a learning experience. Ile-level up ko na standards ko, ha? Sorry, "Torpe Housemate", kahit ano pang pangungulit mo, hindi maaari sapagkat I can't imagine myself making out with you. Period. J

break na kami.

ayaku na!

pinipimples na kasi 'ko eh...

alam niyo naman ako...vain.

o genki desu.

jamu has been a very naughty girl... sana hindi siya maging finalist sa nasc1... sana ma-accomplish niya ang mga kailangan gawin this week... ayaw na niya magtrabaho dun sa korean call center... eew.

8 years na kami ng likod ko. hehe...

leche. kahit wala si toby nagpunta pa rin ako to meet you guys. alam niyong hindi ako masaya ngayon dahil naaksidente siya pero pinili ko pa rin pumunta. thinking that being with you guys will make me feel better. i'm so disappointed to the BOTH of you. so much for your excitement, huh?!

xet. twice akong umakyat ng layb this week. define allergy, shortness of breath and disgust. kaasar kala ko pa naman matatapos ang school year na ito na hindi ako aakyat ng layb! curse be to eng102. hehe. *.*

finally, natuloy ang date namin ni febby sa sassy. buti na lang, depressed ako nung tuesday afternoon kaya para maibsan ang lungkot na aking nadarama, nanlibre ako ng kapwa.

bakit nga ba ako depressed nun?! sabihin na lang natin na mahirap pa talaga sa ngayon dahil nasa adjustment stage pa kami. enough said.

i'm glad patapos na ang sem. kaso super haggard na! ang daming requirements!!! hai. keri lang.

ansakit ng ulo ko. ang baho dito sa layb!!! [oo, dito ko sa layb ginawa ang draft for this blog entry.]

sleepy bembeh na 'ko!!!

a not-so-busy week has passed...

ang bilis ng oras...

happy naman ako nung thursday - it was my kikay and bebeh day...

love ko bebeh ko, jenss...

waha, pero tulad ng sabi ko sayo...

hindi pa.

ansaya tumambay sa tambayan ng japsoc!!!

unit-unti ko nang nararamdaman ang pagbabalik ng self-esteem ko sa jap11 class namin...

nakita ko si JOHN ESTRADA at JOHNNY DELGADO kagabi sa FEU hospital...

waha, antangkad ni john, winner!!!

one month na kami ng bebeh ko... ^.^

nahiya naman ako kay Tita Laundry dahil sa pinalabhan kong green na kumot...

hmmm!!!

nood kau ng KAREHASAN!!!

tsaka PAGSIBOL!!!

tska RETORIKA!!!

prod galore, xet...

i love MARY KAY products, winner!

i STRONGLY RECOMMEND that you gals out there spend your KIKAY day at INDEX salon, sa may junction...

the best ang footspa!!!

i had a great hair cut...

ang ligaya... ^.^

thanks elci and rayn for greeting us last friday , ^.^

i miss my dad...

hay...

mommy, get well NOW!

uncle boy, STOP BUGGING ME!

lola, thanks sa $10!

wee, may SPCM practicum na 'ko...

fashion-fashion this summer!

galore!